If you confess sins to the Lord, do you need to confess to the one/others that you sinned against?

Question: If you confess sins to the Lord, do you need to confess to the one/others that you sinned against?

Answered by Community Pastor Jae Alexander

I love this question because I think confession is an extremely important and healthy part of the Christian life. 

I would answer “yes” to both parts of the question with the following explanation.

First, a reality of sin is that it separates. It severs relationships. It does relational damage. Every time. We see this first happen in the Garden between God, Adam, and Eve. The relationship was never the same after that even though God extended grace and showed mercy. The relationship between Adam & Eve changed too. 

Another reality of sin is that it is disobedience of God’s will, which means that every sin is against God. When I am leading someone to Christ or counseling a newer believer (and even some older ones), I teach them the importance of confession and how to do it. One of the things I tell them is when they realize that they have sinned, go to God first. Our tendency is to avoid Him. Because of our shame (a consequence of sin) we avoid Him. (Remember Adam & Eve’s initial response in the garden?) That is EXACTLY the opposite of what His word tells us to do! One of the greatest promises in all scripture that has probably saved my life many times is:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” - 1 John 1:9 NIV

When we claim the promise in this verse, it can remove the shame & guilt that keeps us from turning back to our Heavenly Father. But, look where the verse starts, “If we confess…” God is All-Knowing. He knows you screwed up. You know you screwed up. Confess it! Don’t play games. Get your relationship with God right again through Jesus. 

Reality #3 about sin. It always, always has consequences. Now, unless you live in a vacuum or are a hermit. You have people around you. One of the consequences that I have seen or experienced over the years is that when I sin, I hurt not only myself, but those around me. When I lie, I compromise my integrity and mislead others. When I don’t show Christ like love to another person, I rob both of us from the blessings that God has for us. When I fight with my wife, it affects the whole family. That is why it is so important to confess to someone you have sinned against. Understand that your confession to them is not for them to absolve you from your sin. That’s God’s part. Confession to someone you have sinned against is for relationship repair. Reconciling. Consider Jesus’ teaching:

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” - Matthew 18:15 NLT

I recognize that this verse has the “sinned against” going to the “one that did the sinning”, but is showing clearly that the reason for confession to one another is for restoring damaged or potentially damaged relationships. 

I would also point out that the scripture often talks about forgiving one another and living in peace or harmony with each other. (Romans 12:6-8, Ephesians 4:23 & 25, Colossians 3:13,  1 Thessalonians 5:13, 1 Peter 3:8)

Lastly, the scripture commands it. James 5:16 says:

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

I don’t think that James is just talking about physical healing here. I believe it can be physical, emotional, and relational.

So, in a nutshell always confess to God first. As you are confessing to Him ask Him to help you to deal with the consequences of your sins. Ask Him who you need to confess to in this particular case. 

Lastly, please, please accept the fact that He has forgiven you and don’t hold on to your failure. Just take care of your business and move on.