Question: If I am divorced am I able to remarry and not be an adulterer?

Answered by Community Pastor Jae Alexander

Before I start my answer I want to be sensitive to the realities of the pain involved in divorce for everyone. Spouses and children. No one really wins. I also know that each divorce has contributing factors from both sides. It takes two to make a marriage work and two to make a marriage fail. (Granted, one may make extra contributions!) 

This is one of those topics that the Scripture is actually very clear on. However, just because it is clear, doesn’t mean it is easy to answer. So, please read the entire response because this is a complicated issue. 

In Matthew 19 Jesus address this topic specifically. We’ll let Him speak for Himself;

“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”” - Matthew 19:3-9 NIV

Based on the scripture I have to answer your question, “If I am divorced am I able to remarry and not be an adulterer?” With a “no”, you would be considered an adulterer. 

But let’s keep a few things in view as a finish my response. In the beginning of this answer I implied that divorce is a no win, complicated issue. Jesus’ answer is very interesting if you think about it for a minute. Putting things in context, He was approached by some Pharisees for the express purpose of “testing” Jesus. They are testing Jesus’ fidelity to the Law of Moses. Jesus, starts His answer at Creation, prior to the Law of Moses being given and explains God’s heart in the matter. Then He references the Law that was given and points to the hearts of men. Which shows that men did not have fidelity to God’s law.

Why was the Law given in the first place? Are we saved by the Law. Now or back then? Absolutely not. Because no one was able to keep the Law. It was given to identify our need for a Savior and demonstrate God’s grace. Ironically, this is the point that Jesus is trying to make to the Pharisees! The subject is about divorce, but the lesson is about Grace or the lack thereof. 

God’s standards don’t change. Neither does His love. Being an adulterer doesn’t keep you out of Heaven. Rejecting Jesus Christ as Lord & Savior does. When you make Jesus your Lord & Savior you are not identified by what you used to do, you are identified by what He has done in your place. He died for the sins that you have committed and are going to commit until you stand in His presence at the consummation of your salvation. At which time you will give an account of all the things you have done. If you are in Christ you have no worries.

I say all this to make this point. I recognize that at the heart of the question given to me to answer, the subject is about divorce; but what is really being asked is, “I have sinned in the past, can I still be right with God today?” I believe the answer to be, “yes”. But, as Christians we live parallel lives. We still live in time and space battling the flesh now. Yet we are in Christ too. 

When I sit down with people who have been through divorce and they are wanting to remarry or are remarried I make it a point to understand what happened. Was Jesus their Lord & Savior at the time of the divorce? Did they leave or did their spouse? Was there martial unfaithfulness like Jesus speaks about in our passage? Have they been remarried multiple times? How these questions are answered will dictate how I counsel them. 

I will close with this statement, keeping in mind that this question was given to me anonymously and I don’t know any of the answers to the questions above. Sometimes the Church can do a good job of reminding people of who they were before Christ, instead of reminding them of who they are in Christ now. It should not be this way. However, people in the Church should also be pursuing Holiness passionately. Divorce and remarriage should not be common place within the Body of Christ. Jesus makes that clear. So, we need to make sure that we are speaking the Truth to each other in love. Walking in the newness of Life that we have been given through the Holy Spirit. Practicing confession and repentance, while honoring marriage as God intended. If these things were happening in the body I guarantee that less and less people would be asking the question that was submitted. 

I appreciate the question and the reason it was asked. I sincerely pray that you will find the peace that God offers and not wrestle with guilt or shame.